Car Crash Crushes

The pandemic lockdown experience gifted some of us rare opportunity to develop a few lockdown crushes on a fair few ‘hot chefs’ – as observed in their home kitchens and stripped bare of their ‘whites’ (see our #chefsinrealkitchens series of blogposts for further details). And, with apologies if it disappoints to reveal, the ‘hot’ in this context refers strictly to culinary prowess – no chefs were observed actually naked!

Latterly, having entered the vortex that is reality TV, US style – your correspondent’s been living it large and increasingly dramatic with the RHOBH (as the cognoscenti know the Beverly Hills crowd of the ‘Real Housewives’ franchise on Bravo TV).

RHOBH’s @doritkemsley’s Des Res

Sadly, the kitchens involved – while undoubtedly expensive – are less interesting than most, being ‘mostly for show’, or ‘mostly for staff’ (Harry Hamlin the left field exception to this last rule). These ‘Housewives’ – it couldn’t be more obvious – outsource the bulk of their cooking.

Harry Hamlin, actor, and real housewives’ real husband, really cooking The Sauce

Word: a wise housewife

The real ‘Real Life’ of the Harry Hamlin/Lisa Rinna home

And from the unreal world of these Real Housewives, it’s only a short downward spiral with them into Andy Cohen’s WWHL*, where anything might happen – and often does – including the ‘necessity’, in my case, of researching the meaning of “thirst trap” (who knew!? – but, according to Merriam-Webster, it started with Rihanna, so it can’t not be good).

And from there (stay with me!) another short step to find – totally incidentally – that @garyjanetti** is the sole mutual follower I might have were I also to follow @tylerjcameron3*** on Instagram – an idea not as unlikely as I might first have thought, for it’s at Tyler’s IGTV where I fall back down my favourite IG rabbit hole into the Wonderland of: ‘observing home kitchens in actual use’ for a segment I am now moved to subtitle: ‘Beautiful People in Horrible Kitchens’.

This may also be where, as kitchen design specialists, we can step in to help tweak a few of the uglier surroundings – to help these beautiful people live better/best and even more beautiful lives in kitchens where the cabinets aren’t closing in and the worktops aren’t short a few tiles (and we’ll just draw a veil entirely over the hob and microwave combos from eras that surely predate Tyler and his pals 😱).

I commend to you from here a long-form, ‘old school’, IG ‘live’ featuring a ‘Cali’ Burrito’ tutorial****. Hosted by Jordan Andino, aka @fork_knife – chef and owner of ‘Flip Sigi’ in NYC’s West Village – and ‘guested’ by Tyler and his homies. It’s a captivating car crash on a level all its own – and just for the record, we have NOTHING good to say about the ‘design’ of the main kitchen featured – other than: ‘call us!’, for immediate assistance – we are prepared to send some outline ideas FOC when the need is this desperate.

Jordan Andino @fork_knife @FlipSigi NYC

The results from this tutorial vary from ‘aspirational’ (Jordan) to ‘needing more practice’ (Tyler) but the ‘getting there’ is a lot of fun, and the protagonists carry with them a casual ease and seemingly unselfconscious charm it’s hard not to enjoy.

And as for ‘Jack Cheddar’ (“who he?” you may ask) – a California mix of meltable cheeses – tune in to our very own upcoming CCCL***** if you want our hot take on how to sub UK-based ingredients and recreate this California special on this side of the Pond. From a New York Filipino kitchen, via Jupiter, FL, we’ll be bringing it home in the West Village of Wimbledon High Street – turning this newly named segment directly on its head as ‘Regular people in Beautiful Kitchens’. You’re all invited – we hope to see you there!

Save the Date: Wednesday 16 February, Live from 6.30pm @day_true IGTV

Jordan’s Hot Tip: “seasoning is when you make food taste good”

Jordan’s Hot Take: “It’s kinda unsafe – that’s all I’m saying”

*’Watch What Happens Live’, Bravo TV

** ‘The Prince’, HBO Max

*** Runner-up, season 15, ‘The Bachelorette’, ABC TV, 2019

**** California Burrito

***** Car Crash Cooking Live, @day_true IGTV

From Jupiter FL334 via NY100 to London SW19, watch this space!